CLASH OF THE TITANS



Pre-wedding and the aftermath of weddings can lead couples to develop severe anxiety and depression, hence why divorce rate within the Asian community is rising. For mental health week we thought why not discuss a few issues related to pre-wedding and post wedding in how a couple can help themselves handle issues better.












Pre- wedding


Budgeting


Planning a wedding budget is important. Asian weddings tend to spin out of sight when it comes to finance. Weddings will take anywhere from three to four days of events, each celebration necessitates the hiring of a venue, caterer, decorator and videographer to name a few. Weddings will cost upwards of £50,000 for a couple, which will put a strain on the family, if finances are not managed properly. Have a budget in mind, particularly when it comes to guest numbers don't invite the whole planet since lockdown has shown that we can get things done without the formalities. First and foremost consider your mental health and your financial status post wedding.


The bribe games


If you are paying for it, tell your parents what your budget is and what you can afford. They'll come around if you are patient. In general children argue with their parents on issues. To understand your parents particularly parent whom are over 50 years old and who came to the UK as an immigrant and had to live with family members to make ends meet. As a result, it's difficult for them not to welcome them. They will eventually come around, but if they don’t, insist that they pay the difference so that it can be accommodated. Remember that no one can rescue you if you are in financial trouble, so don't put yourself in a position where you can't get out.


Breaking the Bank


If you're planning your wedding with a loan, that means you're not in a financial position to pay so much and if that means you'll have to postpone it, you'll have to postpone it. Starting a marriage with a loan is a recipe for disaster particularly in an Asian household with all the formalities in place.



The Gossip


Yes, you read it correctly. When all of the planning is going on, our Asian sisters enjoy gossiping, stressing and worrying. Everyone has a view and you are certain of your own. We must be careful not to tell anything that each side of the family is thinking about the other because both sides of the in-laws argue about who is in control of everything in the course of getting it ready for the big day. This is a crucial issue to avoid.


You must keep in mind that they are happy and want to have a good time but only a few words will fall between the cracks and be said in the heat of the moment. No, there's no point in reminding your spouse about the derogatory things they say because those things will go away after the case occurs; instead, don't let your spouse lose respect for your family members before they get to meet them. Let them make their own choice.



Kung Fu fighting


If it happens, let it happen naturally, don't make life difficult for yourself before marriage. Try to picture handing your partner a boxing glove before your spouse meet your family. Maintaining kinship is essential and speaking less is often preferable. Pre-wedding everyone is nervous and everyone is only trying to keep everyone happy and play formalities so take it with a grain of salt in the process. Allow your partner to hear the good news so that compassion and affection develop. If they are going to resent each other let it be later rather than adding fuel to the fire. Allow time for the relationships to develop. This is even more important for the couples living with the family after the wedding.


Post Wedding



Bear grills of wedding


People, in particular must note that their wives are not their mothers after they have married. Women have been much more autonomous in recent years and credit to a woman who contributes far more to a family system than an Asian man does in general. They have a full-time job and are supposed to do everything when they get home. This is incorrect in every way. The stress of doing this will wear a person down. It's crucial to talk to your families about how things can go before you bring your wife in. That way, they'll know what to expect and won't overstep their bounds. It's also important to have a social relationship with your relatives so that you can communicate with them and reach an understanding based on mutual respect. If you don't establish a healthy friendship with your family your partner will never have one. Trying is crucial because Covid - 19 has shown how vulnerable we are in any situation and how situations can spiral out of our grasp.



Chilling with the Mob squad


To the sisters If you live with your in-laws try not to hide in your bed all day and just come out when your husband comes home or your mother-in-law calls you for a chore. If you do so your mother-in-law relationship with yourself would be dependent on chores which can be tough to keep up with. Instead socialise with them. This will make them love and admire you, since most Asian kids don't interact with their parents because they are more formal. You will see that you have a happier friendship and less difficulty of doing something if you have a social relationship.



Dr Phil


Keep the problems confidential and don't quickly reveal them to anyone. Seeking advice only for the sake of gaining comfort can only lead you to believe that you are right since most issues need two to tango, be mindful of how you pursue and implement advice you receive. When a couple looks after each other's rights instead of looking after their own, characteristics such as respect, patients, sacrifice and compassion build in a marriage. This will make them fight bigger battles together.



Debate team


This is perhaps the most amusing suggestion we would make. Learn to argue with each other in a way that keeps your respect and keeps you from feeling guilty in front of loved ones. Remember that all relationships have their ups and downs but the magic of how a relationship progresses is where the partner falls in and what is the ultimate result for the rest of your life. Sharing the honeymoon time, having children, having grandchildren, and finally seeing them start a family of their own. Life is too brief to waste time arguing over trivial matters. We encourage couples to approach problems with mercy and compassion and we wish each couple the best of luck in the future. These are based on general issues and we all have our differences in how we deal with matters.